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As I headed upstairs and started undressing, I looked at Sue’s side of the bed. The thought that it would remain empty tonight tugged at my heartstr...ngs.But it wasn’t the thought it was empty and would remain empty wasn’t the emotional scalpel causing my heart to ache. It was more subtle than that. With my job, Sue and I had spent plenty of nights apart over the years. What was so painful was the thought that just a few miles away, over the rooftops there was another man who was experiencing. When Mac unlocked the door, I went to my room and saw Helen crying. I asked why she was crying, she wouldn’t tell me. Two days later, mom left for work, Helen and I was watching T.V. when Mac came up and told me to go play outside, Helen had a scared looked on her face. Mac grabbed my arm and took me outside and told me to have fun and closed and locked the door. I wanted to know what was going on. I looked in the window, I could see Mac taking Helen to her room. I went over to Helen’s window,. God how I wish they could walk for one day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, feeling that life within me as it lives and moves and grows. I stare back to unsettle them, unblinking, unforgiving. They look away but the whispering continues. I have no one to whisper to. I have lost again and look away with eyes full of remorse and hurt and that glint of fear. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard. Rosie looked like she was about to throw up. Mrs Coats looked frightened. But Izzy, Izzy lost her colour, her sparkle vanished, the animation she had showed stilled, and Daniel watched as she wilted like a dying flower before him. ‘If you have all quite finished?’ he bit out accusingly. ‘Yes, yes of course, things to do you know,’ Mrs Coats mumbled as she and Rosie fled. Jessie grabbed Izzy’s hand. ‘And we really must get ready for this evening,’ she beamed at him as she dragged Izzy from the.
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