And then, with a sigh, I headed back to myroom. I placed the blouse and the skirt on the hangars and hung them inthe wardrobe. I then placed the under...ear in the drawer next to myboxers shorts and socks. I expected to it to look out of place, but itdidn't. It looked like it belonged there. I shut the drawer. And triedto put that image out of my mind. I had just sat down when my phonerang. Seeing who it was, I tried to compose my thoughts into somesemblance of order so I could speak with a sense. It's not easy being gay.' Well, he thought, that'senough.'Who the hell are you anyway? You talk to me like you know me, but I've nevermet you before. What do you want? I'll I wanted to do was find my friends,and you're pulling psychoanalysis bullshit on me. What's going on?'Kyra clasped her hands together. 'I can't explain it to you- yet. There aresome things that I know that you're just not ready for right now. You'll justhave to accept that.'Gary noticed she seemed sincere. He'd calmed down a. "You idiot, if I was going to fool around I have plenty of time while you're on one of your 'save the day' trips. I wouldn't have to wait for a company function."I tried to explain that it was the men I didn't trust but she didn't see, or maybe didn't want to see my reasoning."If you don't want me going alone, stay home once in awhile," she suggested.This time it took most of the weekend for her to get over being mad. It didn't help that on Tuesday I had to go on another trip. It was very cold. Happiness and survival fought for the same space in her life. How many times had she learned that lesson? She had spoken the truth in the meeting that afternoon: she was a three-time loser. It was a just result meted out by unjust men, she told herself. The events of her life flashed back to her. She saw the logic. If she had studied harder in high school … the abortion … the two divorces. She was convinced of God’s retribution and despaired of God’s mercy. It was not Paul’s fault. She had been.
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